When singer Katy Perry famously ended her marriage with comedian husband Russell Brand in a tumultuous divorce, she didn’t wallow in self-doubt and depression. Instead, Katy converted all of the negative energy into her hit song, “Roar.” In an interview with BBC Radio, Katy admitted that she wrote the song because she was sick of keeping all the negative feelings inside and not speaking up for herself which caused a lot of resentment.
Katy has a point. Whether you are starting on the path to a divorce or just exiting one, there is no reason to trap yourself in the all too common feelings of sadness, anger, and fear. You can, indeed, take affirmative action in shaping your post-divorce life. According to Gina Shaw writing for WebMD.com, http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/life-after-divorce, there at least eight things you can do to “reinvent yourself” after divorce:
(1) “Let yourself mourn.” Regardless of whether you wanted the divorce, sadness and a sense of loss is inherent in divorce. Allow for and accept these feelings.
(2) “Work through your feelings.” Every divorce produces emotional baggage. Whether through therapy or self reflection, find a way to unpack this baggage so as not to take it with you to your next destination in life.
(3) “Learn to like yourself.” Divorce and its aftermath can be terrifying. It also carries with it an opportunity to finally rely on yourself. At the end of your marriage, you will need to focus on rebuilding or finally establishing your self-confidence.
(4) “Rediscover who you used to be.” Marriage is a give-and-take proposition. In order to make the relationship work, we oftentimes give up those things we used to enjoy. Take a moment to reconnect with hobbies or pastimes that we might have previously given up.
(5) “Discover a new side of yourself.” Post-divorce life is a time of new challenges. But, it is also a time for new opportunities. Take this time to find out who you really are.
(6) “Dare to be alone.” Whether your marriage is short or long term, there is no reason to rush into another partnership. With the advent of social media, being alone is much different than being lonely. (7) “Consider transitional relationships.” As with embracing the concept of being alone, avoid the temptation of immediately shopping for a new spouse. Date outside your comfort zone and enjoy relationships without the expectation of permanence.
(8) “Embrace your new roles.” Divorce may require you to participate in activities which are alien to you whether taking care of children, paying bills, or working outside the home. Don’t expect perfection when you first begin to fulfill these roles. In time, however, you well develop the confidence that you can handle the new life that is coming your way.